i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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