You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
