I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
