You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
