my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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