I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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