fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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