I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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