You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
