I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
