Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
