honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
