His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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