you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
