when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
