i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
