Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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