From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
