You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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