There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
