And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
