Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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