i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
