dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
