I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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