between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
