hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
