I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
