when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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