I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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