do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
