the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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