In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
