I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
