drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
