I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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