if you like me you must not know who I am
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
