I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
