he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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