I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
