I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
