so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
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