My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's great music for shaving your balls
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
