Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
