Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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