he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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