tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
