reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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