I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
