I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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