I just pynch a tree in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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