I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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